Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
