Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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