All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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