sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
