I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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