I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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