Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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