all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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