i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
