I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
