One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's shark week go big or go home
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize