I hate your face
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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