you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
