ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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