garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is my gift to your gina
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
