if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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