I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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