just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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