Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
