i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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