so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
