Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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