I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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