I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
