If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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