He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
