My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
