So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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