In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
