My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
