i barfeds in our rink
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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