What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
