well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
