i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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