i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
