Don't you send me to vm
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
