My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
