I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
