I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
