i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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