she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
