You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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