I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
