no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
