So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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