So drunk its hurt
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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