I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
