I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so fucking centered right now
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
