do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
