Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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