Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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