her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
