I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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