Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
