dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
