i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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