Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
