The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
