Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
