I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
