my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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