Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
