Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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