new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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